I'm indebted to my friend E who not only gave me great empathy at short notice during a friendship crisis, but also gave me some unsolicited advice on fantasies and their relationship to one's primary relationship. Now when I crush on someone or when I'm resenting the usual trade-offs of a long-term relationship and thinking that anyone else would be better, I think about what I'm responding to in the unreal relationship and what that means I need in the real relationship. I allow myself to go with the flow, without judgment, and then take back some lessons learned.
And surprisingly, it's allowed me to help generate some much-needed changes and helped me recognize the truly good parts of what I already have. Because I'm smart enough to know that change for change's sake is not the best reason to throw away a relationship that has lasted through so much already and given me so much.
And I'll never really know what Prof. Snape would do if given a little NVC empathy.
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